Intimate partner violence is the most neglected one among everything that a person faces because of gender. The neglect stems from the very fact that this ‘violence’ is not even acknowledged in the first place. It is always hidden in the realm of adjustment and compromise the individuals have to make so that relationships work. The reports made to law enforcement authorities, as a result, are also miniscule in number.
The situation is further grim when we consider the violence that often goes unnoticed, the one which is borne with silence and the one whose suffering burns the individual from within. It’s the emotional violence by intimate partners.
How does emotional violence take place?
Any form of expression, words or otherwise, that affects emotions of an individual negatively constitutes emotional violence. It can take the forms of verbal abuse or humiliation, wilful isolation, and continuous intimidations. These violences often hide behind drops of tears or just gazing at the hollow sky outside, without finding their way to police or the enforcement authorities. The disappointments, the constant sadness leads to multiple side effects like loss of self-esteem, hypertension risks, depression etc.
Further, it also results in outbursts at an undesirable place, time and company which further accelerates the probability of retaliatory emotional violence.
Why is it silent?
The emotional violence is faced by the victims almost on a daily basis. When the perpetrator is an outsider, it becomes comparatively easier to deal with. For example, a teacher who verbally abuses or humiliates students in front of the whole class, can be removed by the authorities. The students can also ask for a replacement teacher. However, when the perpetrator is not an outsider, things get messier. With intimate partners, such violence gets overshadowed under the garb of love for the family or the relationships. For example, repeated comments on skin colour can make a wife unhappy, but she will hardly take the stand to end this marriage. Rather, she would take it as ‘adjustment’ to make the marriage work and keep the family from breaking off. The sounds of such violence are heard by nobody except the walls of bedroom or that pillow on bed wet with tears. On the other hand, the perpetrator maynot even realise the hurt caused by his/her words. Sometimes, they try to paint it as a ‘joke’ as well while questioning the sense of humour of the victim.
Need to speak up
The emotional violence needs to be dealt with in the same manner as that of the physical violence. Anything that lowers dignity should be condoned, no matter what the method has been. If the partner comments on skin colour, speak up! If the partner humiliates you in public, speak up! If the partner keeps you isolated with doubtful intentions, speak up!
The reporting of the emotional violence gets it highlighted for the cognisance of the society. But the society with its seeped in patriarchy often turns a blind eye towards it. This needs social engineering. There should be awareness campaigns on emotional violences and how it’s not ok to bear them. There should be open dialogue among the elders, partners and the victim within the family so that appropriate remedy can be found out. The degree of ‘empathy’ needs to be strengthened among every stakeholder so that the ‘mental hurts and bruises’ also vanishes with time.
The world is a harsher place to live. We all have to fight for ourselves because only we know what exactly is felt by us. It’s a continuous struggle to stop being made to feel bad by others.The emotional violences no longer needs to be silent. Our emotions, too, need to breathe in fresh air without being suffocated. Let us embrace the emotional well being for all.
