According to the latest survey of the National Family Health Survey (NFHS-5), around 79% of women covered in the survey between 2019-2020 revealed they were victims of domestic violence. Another startling finding of the report is that more than 79.4% of women admitted that they did not raise their voices against the cruelty committed by their husbands. They silently tolerated, cursing their fates. The NFHS-5 report has also stated that the 99.5% of women in the country don’t report the cases of sexual assault on them and keep silent in such matters fearing loss of social dignity in society.
An article by Jacob et al. in speaking of abuse: the pyramid of reporting domestic violence in India in 2019 provides insights into why domestic violence is rarely communicated. Social humiliation and fear of further abuse are essential reasons for not disclosing domestic violence, especially to friends or neighbors, although women are willing to reveal this information in a healthcare setting. The article constructs a pyramid to represent revelations of domestic violence. Before an incident enters the legal system, the family is the first point of contact and the police the last.
Darlings, a movie directed by Jasmeet K. Reen and released in 2022, was a fresh take showing the depth of domestic violence. Physical and other kinds of violence also happen simultaneously, forcing the partner to stay in the abusive relationship. Let’s take a look at the lyrics of one of the film’s songs: La Ilaaj
“Dil Ko Zehar Mil Jaaye Toh
Pyas Hai Har Waqt Ki
Angaaron Pe Chalna Bhi Toh
Aadat Hai Kambakht Ki
Phir Bhi Yeh
Zakhmon Ka Mohtaj Hai
La Ilaaj Hai La Ilaaj Hai
La Ilaaj Hai La Ilaaj Hai
Dil Humara La Ilaaj Hai”
(Translation: Even if the heart gets poisoned, it still feels thirsty. Even walking on burning charcoals has become a habit. Yet it is a lover of wounds. Thus, my heart is incurable.)
The lyrics have aptly captured the agony of the protagonist. But, running away from the situation is never an option for her. The tendency for why women are not able to detach themselves from their marriage may be because of economic dependence. Without the ability to sustain themselves economically, women are forced to stay in abusive relationships. Due to deep-rooted values and culture, women do not prefer to adopt the option of separation or divorce. They also fear the consequences of reporting violence. The lack of information about alternatives also forces women to suffer silently. Some women may believe that they deserve the beatings because of some wrong action on their part. Other women refrain from speaking about the abuse because they fear their partner will further harm them in reprisal for revealing family secrets, or they may be ashamed of their situation (Kaur and Garg, 2008).
Love bombing can be another method that is used to put women in a dilemma of a loving relationship or a toxic one. First, the love starts, the attention is given, gifts are received, and memories are made, and suddenly, a bomb drops, the love changes to hate, the attention disappears, taunts and even physical harm are forced upon, and traumatic events are experienced. In Darlings, many instances have shown the protagonist (Badru) being swayed away by her husband’s caring nature and attempting to be a better husband (Hamza) when stuck in a problem, but it all ends with her suffering violence by her husband. Badru, despite the emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical violations, often fails to recognize the ‘enchantment’ of the relationship. This enchantment allowed her to internalize her husband’s worldview and make excuses for his behaviour. In the film, Badru’s mother (Shamsha) tells her a story about a scorpion and a frog to explain why Hamza might never change even if he says he can be a better husband. However, Badru was blinded by his love when Hamza started talking about leaving alcohol and their future baby and decided to set him free from jail and takes him home.
The film also accurately shows the perception of society about domestic violence as a personal matter. In an instance where Badru suffers from violence, we can see how the parlour shop owner shows sympathy towards Badru but never does anything to stop the violence. With repeated experiences of violence by his husband leading to her miscarriage, Badru finally decides to leave her husband and comes up with a fool-proof plan to take revenge with the help of her mother. There comes the film part, as this might not be the case in real life.
However, Darlings has successfully highlighted the forms of violence that may happen in intimate relationships. It has shown why we need to have more discussions on domestic violence. How do we destigmatize divorce? How do we make women more self-reliant? Why do women tend to stay in abusive marriages? And why do men need to break the shackles of patriarchy too?
“You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender.” ~ John Mark Green
